Friday, February 28, 2014

Go, Say, Be

First, open this link in a new tab:
https://www.lds.org/music/library/hymns/ill-go-where-you-want-me-to-go?lang=eng
Either click the play button in the left corner above the sheet music or download the Vocals and Music (option on the right of the sheet music). I suggest the second. Play the music.

Good! Now that you're listening to the music, you can continue to read. :) I'll explain later.

For a long time, people have been asking me where I would like to go on my mission, and this question has become very common now that my papers are submitted(!!!!). Granted, it's hard to think of adequate questions to ask when people talk about their mission calls coming soon. But I've thought a lot about this question, and I've decided that it is not my decision, it's not my answer to give.

Now sure, there are some places that I would LOVE to travel to. But there are a few reasons why where I want to go doesn't matter:

1. A mission is not a vacation. I will be working pretty literally 24/7.
2. The Lord knows where I need to be.
3. Meaning He knows where I need to go to teach specific people and to learn and improve myself far beyond where I am now.
4. Anywhere will be an amazing experience! Everywhere is different, but missionaries are needed everywhere. Remember, the gospel is going to spread to the entire earth!! (Mosiah 3:20)

I know the Lord cares about what I want (as long as I want righteous things). Of course He does. But one thing we've been talking about in my Book of Mormon class lately is how God actually "owns" everything. Everything is His. Except He doesn't have just one thing--our agency, our ability to choose for ourselves. That is something He promises to NEVER take away, not for any reason. We alone have the ability to do with it what we will, which can include giving it away. Our agency can be given to two people: Satan or God. If giving our agency away means that we align our wills with another person, or learning to want what they want, who would you give yours to?

I choose God.

Giving my agency to God is the only way I can ever possibly show my true and real gratitude for every single thing He and Jesus Christ have done for me (which is a lot, more than I can comprehend). It is definitely not an easy thing to do, but I believe it's worth it. To me, giving my agency to God is like saying "You know what? I love You so much. I trust You. I trust that You know what's best for me and what will make me the best person I could ever be. And because of that, I'll obey. I'll even work to change my desires to match Yours. So here You go: here's my agency!" I may not want everything that God wants yet, but I'm working on it.

The words to the song you listened to earlier are as follows:

It may not be on the mountain height
Or over the stormy sea,
It may not be at the battle's front
My Lord will have need of me.
But if, by a still, small voice he calls
To paths that I do not know, 
I'll answer, dear Lord, with my hand in thing:
I'll go where you want me to GO.

(Chorus)
I'll go where you want me to go, dear Lord,
Over mountain or plain or sea; 
I'll say what you want me to say, dear Lord;
I'll be what you want me to be.

Perhaps today there are loving words
Which Jesus would have me speak;
There may be now in the paths of sin
Some wand'rer whom I should seek.
O Savior, if thou wilt be my guide,
Tho dark and rugged the way,
My voice shall echo the message sweet:
I'll say what you want me to SAY.

(Chorus)
I'll go where you want me to go, dear Lord,
Over mountain or plain or sea; 
I'll say what you want me to say, dear Lord;
I'll be what you want me to be.

There's surely somewhere a lowly place 
In earth's harvest fields so wide
Where I may labor through life's short day
For Jesus, the Crucified.
So trusting my all to thy tender care, 
And knowing thou lovest me,
I'll do thy will with a heart sincere:
I'll be what you want me to BE.

(Chorus)
I'll go where you want me to go, dear Lord,
Over mountain or plain or sea; 
I'll say what you want me to say, dear Lord;
I'll be what you want me to be.

"I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go" seems to be my personal motto right now. As I consider where I could be called on my mission--which is very literally almost anywhere on the whole earth--I sometimes become worried. I could be called to Pocatello, Idaho, or Paris, France, or Taipei, Taiwan. And for these next two weeks, I have no idea AT ALL. Which freaks me out.

However, I've decided to trust the Lord. Obviously, He knows what He's doing. I'll go where He wants me to go, be it Pocatello or Hong Kong or Latvia. And I will find out soon enough, so I have no need to worry.

More than that, when I go on my mission I'll be an authorized representative of Jesus Christ, working on God's time. I feel so terribly inadequate for the job I've been given as a missionary through whom people will learn the gospel, but I know that all things are possible through the Lord. The Holy Ghost will help me and tell me what to say. I won't be convincing people to believe in the gospel; that's not my job. My job is to be the mouthpiece through which people can learn. My job is to bring the Spirit into people's lives so they can know truth when they hear it. So, I'll say what He wants me to say. I have no idea what I'd say if I was on my own, but good news--I'm not on my own. If I do what's right, God will be beside me every single step of the way.

My mission is also a fantastic opportunity to make myself better. As a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I will be teaching and studying the gospel of Jesus Christ ALL DAY EVERYDAY. There really isn't any other time in my life when I will have such an opportunity to focus on the gospel so much, so I oughta take the cow by its horns (that's for you, Mom and Dad ;) ) and be really proactive about learning. I'll be what He wants me to be. Becoming a missionary is only one step in fulfilling this promise to God. As I work every day of my life, and especially on my mission, I hope to develop more Christ-like attributes (https://www.lds.org/manual/preach-my-gospel-a-guide-to-missionary-service/how-do-i-develop-christlike-attributes?lang=eng) and become more and more like my Heavenly Father and my Brother, Jesus Christ.

I have decided to GO, to SAY, to BE what(where)ever God wants. He has blessed me so fully in my life already that I can only ever hope to show Him how grateful I am, since I will never ever ever be able to in any way repay Him or Christ for the many things They have done for me (the Atonement, my family, my education, my friends... the list goes on and on). But I can give Them my gratitude and my agency, and that is what I've decided to do.

1 Nephi 3:7 says "And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them."

Anything and everything is possible through the Lord. He can help you in whatever endeavors you encounter. Remember, instead of praying to Him, prayer is more of a conversation with Him. Ask Him questions. He'll always answer you. Trust Him.

I love you all. Focus on Christ today!

Sister Rachel Knutti

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